the davinci code

i am one of the four people who has not read this book yet. why? because everyone else has.

how can a book that appeals to everyone possibly be good? some of my favorite books are the fountainhead, atlas shrugged, the dark tower books by stephen king, and tom robbins books. all of these are books that most people wouldn't be able to read more than 10 pages of without saying they can't do it. so how can a book that i see that stupid, drooling piece of garbage next to me on the bus reading possibly be worthwhile?

and the thing is, it apparently IS really good. i've heard that from people i know, respect and love. but how? god, now i'm going to have to read it to find out for myself. grrr.

oh, dearest lite-brite
hours of joy, but such a
weird fucking concept.

made you this cupcake
using only a lightbulb
easy-bake oven.

perplexed for years now:
a void where triumph is lost?
what's a glory hole?
(props to bernard for the middle line. wOOt.)

girl praying mantis
makes love, then bites his head off
talk about mood swings.

a little ray of sunshine on an otherwise shitty day

the oblongs. i've seen this cartoon on cartoon network, and it's disturbingly funny. but check out all the books that this guy wrote, along with the descriptions:

Alfonzo, the Brave little Bison. There's nobody named Alfonzo in this book & it's not about a bison. A pathetic, naked little boy named something - I forget - lives his meaningless life in the sewers, fucks a wall then dies. For kids.

Patricia had 2 Mommies. Patricia's mommy was a big ol lesbian. Patricia grew up confused. Why do the other kids have a daddy & she has 2 mommies?
Comes with 2 different endings. One ending where Patricia grows up & murders clowns & a more politically correct ending to keep lesbians from trampling my flower beds.

and then there's something you've never seen before.

i've had the best week ever. well, not ever, but at least the best week where i had to go to work everyday. and i think it's all because of the geese.

every morning i walk from kenmore to the hynes bust stop. on my way, i walk past that stagnant, glowing river (which is actually called "muddy river". i'm not making that up) and the little area of green next to it, where you can usually find lots of smelly homeless people in the summer. every morning this week, there was a cute little goose couple, walking around together. if they had hands instead of wings, they totally would have been holding each others. as if that's not cute enough...they're walking around with their little baby. it's this tiny, fuzzy baby goose, and he waddles around, trying to eat everything. and mom and dad goose waddle behind him, lovingly watching him discover the world. i almost cried the monday morning when i saw them. it's too cute. and way too tempting to say "fuck you, work" and go hang out with the goose family.

oh, blindfolded duck
feathers, webbed feet and a sword
you look like zorro

i feel like i've been inundated with haikus lately, and since it's been far too long since i wrote any, i figure now's the time to start back up:

leanne my darling
gave me a candy heart once
which implores "let's read"

waiting for the bus
hoping the driver will be
"large marge" incarnate

dearest chuck garvey
my most precious wish is to
give you a hummer

remember that day
we soaked ourselves with water
and then got french fries?

"your life doesn't belong to you, peter, if you're really aiming high. you can't allow yourself to indulge every whim, as ordinary people can, because with them it doesn't matter anyway. its not you or me or what we feel, peter. it's your career. it takes strength to deny yourself in order to win other people's respect."

---mrs. keating


[sarcasm] ah, finally. a reminder of why i wake up each and every day. i strive to be the best i can in my career...in order to win people's respect. i mean, what else could it be for? my own personal fulfillment? who ever herd of something like that? ew, that's SO roark. [/sarcasm]


...sometimes i just want to kill myself...

thank you mr. atkins, you've given me job security

first off, with absolutely no knowledge of the science involved, who the fuck would think it's a good idea to eat lots of fat? seriously. just stop for like 5 minutes and think about it. for years we've been inundated with low-fat and no-fat foods. why? because fat makes you fat. but how about an even more health-conscious reason? fat clogs your arteries. it leads to heart failure. heart attack. high cholesterol. the list goes on and on.

but now, guess what! if you only eat fat, it has the opposite effect on your weight! you'll become thin! oh, nevermind all the arteries being blocked. and the fact that you're getting winded walking up a flight of stairs because your heart can't pump fast anymore. you're skinny!

so, as if all this wasn't scary enough...here's something more to think about.

type 2 diabetes!. also known as "adult onset" or "non-insulin dependent" diabetes. which is mainly the result of environmental components. which leads to pancreatic burnout.

now, in the past, the animal models that were used to research type 2 diabetes were genetic models. however, type 2 is more commonly caused by environmental factors, not genetic factors. as a result, a new type 2 diabetes model has emerged, based on an environmental or "physiologic" model. this new model consists of a special diet for mice:

normal rodent diet = 15% fat, 60% carbohydrates.
high fat diet = 60% fat, 15% carbohydrates.

rats fed this new "high fat" diet for as little as 3 weeks demonstrate insulin resistance. or, the onset of diabetes.

from what i'm told, these are the same breakdown percentages as the atkins diet. all i can gather from this moronic craze sweeping the assholes of the nation...i'll have job security for a long time. what a fantastic boom in the diabetes market. thanks guys.

dodgeball rules.

when i went to see kill bill 2 weeks ago, there was a huge cardboard dsiplay for a new movie. about dodgeball. starring vince vaughn (so hot) and ben stiller (so fucking funny). i just watched the trailer and i'm crying from laughing so hard.

i know where i'll be june 18.

howard roark laughed.

god, what a great fucking beginning to a book. so, i'm re-reading the fountainhead. at the same time that my friend colin is reading it for the first time. i psyched to get to read it with someone, and be able to have discussions about it while reading. it's been four years since i read it, and alot has changed for me since then. the first time, i wasn't so into reading it, not because i didn't like it, but because of where i was in my life. so i'm really anxious to see how it turns out this time.

favorite quotes from this morning's reading:

roark: "but the best is a matter of standards -- and i set my own standards. i inherit nothing. i stand at the end of no tradition. i may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one."

keating: "but you see, i'm not sure, howard. i'm never sure of myself. i don't know whether i'm as good as they all tell me i am."