miss bitsy will never be forgotten

so, i saw this link to intimate mementos in one of aparna's comments. it's pretty ridiculously funny, so i sent the link to a bunch of my co-workers.

a little while later, i get this email in response. it's from this guy mike who i think is hilarious. reading this email made me laugh harder than i've laughed in a very long time. i had streams of tears running down my face:



"Several years ago our family cat died and I had a very hard time coming to terms with it. I was very young and it was my first experience with real permanent loss. My parents knew how difficult it was for me. That Christmas they decided to do something special for me.

When Christmas morning came around, I couldn't get myself excited about opening presents because I was still so upset about our cat. My mom suggested that I open an oddly shaped present that was partially hidden behind the tree first. I could see her and my dad elbowing each other and giggling with anticipation as I brought their gift back over to the couch. Written right on the wrapping paper in black marker were the words, "To Mike, Love Miss Bitsy" right above Mis Bitsy's familiar paw print -- (also in black marker strangely enough).

I tore at the wrapping paper cautiously, intrigued with what this could all mean. Just a few minutes earlier I had been convinced that no matter what I got for a present, it wouldn't brighten up my spirits. But now everything had changed. Could this really be from Miss Bitsy? What could it be? My head was swirling and my stomach was doing somersaults.

When I had disposed of the last of the paper, there it was sitting on my lap, Miss Bitsy's Plastinated penis --(We had named her Miss Bitsy without "checking"). I couldn't believe it ! It was the one and only Christmas gift that could have made the day as Happy and Blessed as it should be !!

My parents looked on laughing and clapping as I got up and danced around the living room with my new Christmas penis. -- "Miss Bitsy, Miss Bitsy!!" I exclaimed, "Now I'll have you with me forever!!"

I was eventually able to calm myself and I sat down, tears of joy running down my face, cadeling Miss Bitsy's penis in my arms. -- I knew what had to be done. -- "Mom, Dad?" -- They both looked at me knowingly. They had had this same idea when they originally plastinated my new treasure. -- "Do you think we could put Miss Bitsy's penis on top of the tree so that she can be with us every Christmas? That way every year, Christmas can be as special as this one." -- My dad was already pulling the step stool from behind the couch before I had finished my question.
-Well as you can imagine, your email really put me in the holiday mood. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a plastinated penis. So thanks, Amy -- and Merry Christmas to you too !!"

CLARIFICATION FOR POLL

so, pollhost only lets you have a max of 10 choices for answers. there are 12 songs on let it be. so, i made an executive decision to lump the 3 most unlikely favorite songs as one choice. if one of these is your favorite song, then please vote for the lump choice, and clarify which is your favorite in the comments for this post. sorry about that.

new poll!

okay, so apparently no one visits my blog. and if they do, they don't vote. zeppelin won with 4 votes. the dead got 2 votes. and that's it. now, i voted for the dead. however, i feel i should clarify this. i would LOVE to see a dead show. a real one. from the 70s. and for those of you who know me, at all, you know that i'm a complete beatlemaniac. but i didn't vote for them because originally i was thinking beatles at shea stadium type show. and i would not want to see that. but then, i thought, "wow. i'm an asshole. if we're talking ORIGINAL beatles (after stu and pete/with ringo), then i would DEFINITELY want to see that." i'm talking the "mach shou" shows in hamburg. and more importantly, the cavern club shows. those were fucking ON FIRE. or at the opposite end of the spectrum...the roof top concert. which brings me to the new poll.

in celebration of the release yesterday of "let it be - naked," i've created a new poll. now, i haven't bought the new cd yet (i'm seriously slacking, i know. i mean, i own and have watched all 10 hours of the anthology. several times.), so i've based this poll on the original let it be release. i'm guessing it's the same track list, so we should be fine.

results of last poll

well, ahren, looks like you need to stop being a pussy and come on the moe.cruise. i mean, it's the only logical thing to do. let's be honest. a 7 day carribean cruise, where you can go horseback riding in ocho rios, scuba diving in cozumel, and every night go see moe. play for you. it's perfection realized.

and there's a new poll! vote away!

at lunch, this guy i work with had a persimmon. i tried it. it was pretty good. i mainly like it for it's name though. persimmon. it doesn't sound real.

some ideas for good band names

incredible ass waitress
fecal to oral
racing retards in the backyard

i have a whole list of them, but lynn has the list. i gotta get it back. we were brainstorming at a bar one fine saturday afternoon. when we were leaving, we ran into this really really drunk guy. i was wearing a tshirt that simply says "australia" on it. he's too drunk, or illiterate, and says, "what's your shirt say?" i look him in the eyes and say, "it says 'bite me'." "no way, really?" he then proceeds to tell us that he's an employee of the government, since they pay him to let them inject him with stuff. i wish i could remember all of what he said, but it culminated in him saying something, and me saying, "oh, that's one of the band names we thought of." he replies, "oh yeah? i got a good band name. 'can i shit in your vagina'." he was a champ. i wish i had gotten his digits.

if anyone's curious as to the name of my blog (and i know you all are), here's a little bit of explanation into the depths of assfinger. scroll to the song "that chuck tune".

where are my panties?
who is this guy next to me?
hoo ha! tequila.

my voicemail message from chuck garvey

so, this past saturday night was the best moe. show i've ever been to. it was amazing. and right after the show, my cell phone died. so, overnight i charged it. the following evening, i notice that there's a voicemail from the previous night from ahren. so i listen to it while i'm heading home on the t:

"hi amy, this is chuck. um, i saw this girl in like the first few rows, and she's like really hot. and had like sort of reddish/brownish hair. and...she looked like she's a biologist, probably. probably knew a lot about evolution. and (something i can't figure out). and so forth. and labor dabor. and, you know, i was just wondering what you were doing after the show tonight cuz...i'm all about gimmicks. you know me, like, al and rob are about the music, but me, i'm all about the gimmicks. and so forth. so meet me across the street at the gimmick lounge. and i'll be there with my talk box. and probably with my shirt off. and probably (something i can't figure out) because, well, you know me. and then it'll be good. and then.........chocolate. bye."

so, i was on the bus this morning, and it was pretty crowded. and then i started thinking, who decided how big the seats on a bus should be? i mean, how wide they should be. do you think they took the average ass size and doubled it to make the seats for two people?

call me oscar

do you ever have those days where you just wish and wish that you wouldn't have to see or speak to another living soul? you wake up in the morning and don't want to do anything but lay in bed all day and think. i like to lay in bed and think about what my life could be like under different circumstances. i'm not saying that my life is bad. far from it. but it's fun to imagine how it could be different. like, if i never had to work again, what would i do instead? or what would it be like for me if i had chosen to do something different, instead of biology?

while the weather today is gray and ugly, i think it's perfect. it precisely reflects how i'm feeling. like a complete grouch. i wish that i could take today and have it be totally what i want. not what it happens to be because it's a wednesday.

i really didn't want to get out of bed this morning. especially since right before i woke up, my brain must have heard my alarm clock going off, and the only thing i remember is hearing strong bad say, "the cheat always punches the alarm clock to turn it off." i remember agreeing with that, and went to punch my alarm clock. but then i realized i had slept in 15 minutes later than i had wanted, so i got up instead. but that would have been awesome to continue a dream starring strong bad.

manah manah.
doo DOO doo doo doo.

manah manah.
doo DOO doo DOO.

manah manah.
doo DOO doo DOO doo, doo DOO doo, doo DOO doo, doo DOO doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.